Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
