my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
