You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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