I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
