bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
