Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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