Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So here I am, sexting at work.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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