I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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