I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
