The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
