i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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