worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
