I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
