Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
