dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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