I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
