Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
