If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
