OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
