Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
