Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
