I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize