Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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