Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Randomize
