This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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