I hope mine doesn't look like that
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
