dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
