My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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