i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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