I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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