I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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