I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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