is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
