I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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