In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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