Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
