ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
