do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
