This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just googled if crying burns calories
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
