CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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