I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
