Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
