member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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