What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
