I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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