I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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