I will die if light touches me.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
