Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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