Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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