meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bar mat shot.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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