i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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