At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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