Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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