apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
