so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There was a lot of him and a little penis
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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