I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize