Don't EVER smell your tampon
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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