I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
