i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
