Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
