btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
