well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
