I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
