I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
