he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize