So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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