Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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