yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
