I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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