I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
