So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i drank out of a bidet.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
