we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
