I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
