it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
