i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
