I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
